Certain words trigger regressions. During a couples’ session, Sam told his wife Luanne that when they would fight and she’d say before walking away, “I hate you!” he would lose it every time and want to get in his car and never come back. “I don’t know what it is about those words that make me feel about five years old. They scare me to death.”
After Luanne took a break, I asked Sam to try and remember where he’d heard those words before. What he discovered was emotional memories that had been buried alive in him for decades. When his father and mother fought what he called knock-down, drag out fights, just as his father would leave and not come back sometimes his mother would say, “I hate you!”
“Every time Luanne says those words she becomes my mom and I become a little boy wondering if and when I’ll ever see my father again.”
When Luanne returned, Sam told her about his parents’ fights and about the words his mother used. Luanne cried and said she didn’t know this and that she would promise to try and never say those words again and that she was sad that he had to hear those painful words as a child. They fell into each other’s arms and wept.
Question: Are there certain words that trigger a disproportional response?
In Lesson 36 we will explore the pre-conditions for emotional regression, anger and rage.
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.
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