The real reason anger takes so long to talk out is very often due to the fact that it is not anger at all that we are finally ready express. Rage is as different from anger as night is from day. Anger is a feeling and emotion. Rage has the ability to cover other feelings, but it is not a feeling or emotion in itself but an action or behavior used to disconnect us from any and all emotions. Rage is a behavior or action that numbs peoples’ feelings.
Rage is a reaction to what your boss has said to you every morning for the last year. What you’ve stuffed and bottled-up all this time, suddenly comes gushing out like a geyser. Likewise, rage occurs because the checkbook has gone unbalanced for two years; seemingly warranting a deafening silence to correct or punish your spouse’s behavior.
Anger lives in the present and so takes minutes to be felt and expressed. Rage sticks around because it is grounded in the past.
Rage lives in the past and takes a very long time because it is grounded in our personal life history. Sandy’s now ex-boyfriend was chronically late; Sandy’s response was, “I’m tired of you always putting everything before me. Didn’t your mother teach you it is rude to keep people waiting? I got here on time. I can’t see why you can’t!”…and she was just getting warmed up. Clearly, there was more than anger going on.
Rage is what constitutes most marathon arguments.
Question: The last time you or someone you cared about tried to express their "anger" was it about only what was said or done in the present or was it more about the past?
In Lesson 3 of The Anger Solution the post will contain ways to distinguish anger from rage.
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.
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