Not Talking Enough As A Sign of Regression and Rage--Lesson 51

Your partner, boss, or friend looks at you patiently with baited breath. They drum their fingers on the kitchen table or pat their knees as they wait for you to talk. The silence is deafening. Forgetting that they are talking to a forty-year old man and not a child of four, they ask, “So what do you have to say for yourself?” Or perhaps these tried and failed words are spoken, while you are lost in your history, “I don’t hear anything,” “You do know it is your turn to talk.”
The temporarily mute person searches the corners of their mind for the right words that can be used to resolve the conflict before shrugging and blurting out,” I don’t have anything to say,” “What do you want me to say?” “Just write it up and I’ll confess and sign,” or they just storm out of the room.

The words won’t come. Hours later, the dumbfounded person finally thinks of what they should have said and repeats the responses over and over in their heads. They return to the logical, reasonable, rational, choice-making, word choosing portion of the brain and then analyze what went wrong. They realize they weren’t being grilled by an irate parent but just or angry husband or wife. They understand it wasn’t the junior high principal that caught them smoking when they were thirteen but rather a boss who wanted to know why the project they were working on wasn’t finished.
The right words come too late and we feel foolish, small, and little and certainly less powerful then we usually are. The tightening in the chest, the clinched jaw, and the grinding our teeth at night are all still there. The tension and stress is locked in the body, and is not set free until they get the release they long for, which may be followed by rage.


For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

No Choice As A Sign of Regression and Rage Part 2--Lesson 48

Arnold said,” I have too many bills to pay and a kid in college and another about to graduate from high school and go to college. I can’t quit my job. I just have to grit my teeth, suck it up and stay at a job that really sucks.

When working with a person who really feels and thinks that they don’t have a choice I first have to help them see their regression, deal with the triggers that are sending them back in time, explore the emotional memory and hopefully facilitate a discharge and release the pent up, stored energy whether it is rag or sadness.
Once this is accomplished then I can help them see the choices that have been right in front of them all along. Now a friend can offer suggestions, their pastor can recommend books to read. But if their well-intentional help is offered before the person comes out of their regression it all falls on deaf ears.

I’m sure you’ve had these frustrating conversations with friends who tell you about a crisis or a problem they are having and you pull out your best advice, lovingly give them options and choices and they respond with, “You just don’t understand,” “No I can’t do that,” “I wish it was that easy.”

Question: What areas of life do you often feel, "I don't have a choice?"

In Lesson 49 we will explore the brain chemistry behind feeling like you don't have a choice.
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

No Choices--Sign of Regression,rage and anger--Lesson 47

When I asked Charlotte why she didn’t leave her verbally abusive husband, she said, “Because I don’t have that choice.” When I asked Arnold why he doesn’t quit the job that offered no chance for advancement or increase in pay, he too replied, “I didn’t have a choice.”

When an adult feels like they have no choice they get angry or enraged and are usually in a regressed state. It often takes someone else (who is not regressed) to offer them choices, point out options because the regressed person can’t hear them, see them or act on them.

When working with a person who really feels and thinks that they don’t have a choice I first have to help them see their regression, deal with the triggers that are sending them back in time, explore the emotional memory and hopefully facilitate a discharge and release the pent up, stored energy whether it is rag or sadness.

Question: Can you remember times where at the time you felt like you didn't have a choice only to come out of regression and finally see multiple choices?

In Lesson 48 we will continue looking at "No Choice."
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

The Disproportional Reaction, Regression and Rage--Lesson 46

I’m sure everyone reading this has either said or heard someone say to them, “Where is all of this coming from?” “This” being all of their excessive energy about the problem or issue being discussed. The disproportional reaction feels overwhelming for many and just plain scary for others.

Those on the receiving end often feel they are being flooded by the speaker’s words that make up unfair accusations, insinuations and criticism. This torrent of energy is not usually enthusiasm but rather judgment and shame. Therefore, the listener tends to feel pushed away or wants to run away. But most of all they feel confused. “Why is he talking to me this way?” Jill asked me one day during a consultation, “It’s like he’s talking to someone else and he doesn’t even see me. Sometimes I think he’s shouting at his first wife or his mother.” I asked her how this made her feel. “Scared and angry. It pushed all my buttons and I feel like a little girl back in my parent’s house where I never felt seen either.”

Question: Have you said or has someone said to you recently, "Where is all of this coming from?

In Lesson 47 Feeling Like We Don't Have A Choice--another sign of regression that often leads to rage.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

"Child Time" as a Sign of Regression and Rage--Lesson 44

A four year old says to their mom or dad, “When are we going to go see grandma?” The look of excitement and expectation turns into desperation when the parent replies, “In two weeks.” Two weeks is an eternity for children. You may recall how summers lasted forever and Christmas never came.

That four year old, forty years later goes to the doctor on Monday because of some condition that produces concern and anxiety. The doctor speeds in, checks them over and on his way out says, “We’ll have these tests back on Friday and try not to worry.” Monday to Friday feels how long? Like an eternity. It is almost exactly the same feeling that children have because the adult has regressed and is back in Child Time, which is full of worse case stories.

When men and women regress, time gets weird. Regression leads to time being compressed or expanded where time is more dreamlike. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, days seem like months and months, well months can be decades. But the good news is once you know this to be a sign of regression you catch it and bring time back to its normal feel and thus reduce anxiety and fear.

Question: Do you remember the last time an hour seemed like a day, a day seemed like a week and you were anxious, small, little, angry, maybe even raging?

In Lesson 45 we will continue to explore the phenomenon of "child time".
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Story Time Part 2 as Sign of Regression and Rage--Lesson 42

When we regress we almost always create worst case stories. Interestingly, Story Time is a regressed attempt to self soothe, but this attempt backfires and the end result is more anxiety—not less—and deeper regression. These fictitious stories from the regressed mind are a way to calm our fears. Ironically, it is these same stories that increase fear, anger, rage and regression because they are appearing in living color from that part of the brain that is illogical and irrational. These semi-paranoid parables can get quite extreme ranging from the temporary belief that someone is plotting to get you to conspiring to control or even perhaps annihilate you.


Question: What worse case story do you tell yourself way too often?

In Lesson 43 We will continue or look at "story time" as a sign of regression.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Being Sick or ill and Regression and Rage--Lesson 40

Minor or major illness will turn a grown man or woman into a big baby who wants to curl up, be fed and read to. Don’t get me wrong, there’s not a thing wrong with this. It’s just that when illness strikes; maturity, rationality, reason, sound judgment and decisions go right out the door of the sick room. Instead of requesting nurturing and comfort, we actually go into work anyway or refuse to go see the doctor. We want to deny our condition or have someone come take care of us but we don’t ask but we will often rage until someone comes to our cribs.
When people are sick, they kick into survival mode thinking, behaving, speaking and listening. Now put them all together and you end up with inappropriate behavior.

Question: Have you ever been sick and find you are short tempered, unreasonable and maybe even raging a little?

In Lesson 41 We will see the signs that regression and rage may be headed our way.
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Pressure as a Regressor and Rage Producer--Lesson 39

PRESSURE
Pressure to perform, pressure to please, pressure to achieve; pressure to be or not to be. While that may be the perennial question the answer is pressure regresses. Remove the pressure and you no longer feel like you are an awkward adolescent or a stumbling toddler who can barely walk—let alone speak coherent, intelligent sentences.

Pressure leaves adults exhausted. Pressure makes us forget to eat or rest as we wrestle with real or imaginary deadlines. Enough pressure exerted long enough on coal turns it into a diamond. Too much pressure on people turns them into regressed, raging lumps of coal too tired or exhausted to move.

Question: Have you felt small or little and then let out the anger and rage when pressured?

In Lesson 40 we will see how illness makes us all too small to reach the medicine cabinet.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

In Lesson 38 we will explore another Pre-condition for regression, anger and rage--STRESS

STRESS
Stress increases distress. When people are distressed they get tense. Tension leads to contraction of body, mind and soul. When people are stressed and in distress you can give them suggestions, advice, feedback, counseling, books to read, counselors to see, and none of it is taken in. All roll right of the stressed, regressed person like water off a duck’s back and they often even feel offended and let you know it in no uncertain terms by raging .
Not much that comes out of the stressed, distressed individual makes much sense. It usually lacks coherency, and continuity; conversations are convoluted and confusing at best.
Now for the bad news—as if the above wasn’t bad enough—when we hear the word stress we immediately think—Welcome to the American workplace where stress has become the norm. Americans are working harder and longer and with less vacation time than ever. Cost of living rises while jobs are scarce and salaries decline. Work is outsourced to other countries. The average American worker is scared, exhausted, disconnected and regressed.
The other negative quote we hear in our heads about stress is, “Welcome to the average American home.” Both parents are working, trying to make ends meet. Children have less supervision and interaction with parents, particularly the father. Studies show on average fathers spend less than two hours per week with their children. More and more children are being raised in one parent homes. In much of the western world divorce occurs in one out of two marriages. All of these factors come together and you have stress, distress and more and more regression, more and more unabated rage.

Question: When you get stressed do you feel like curling up under the covers and wishing that the world would go away and when it doesn't do you get angry and sometimes rage?

In Lesson 39 We will explore pressure to perform as a regressor and rage producer.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Hunger as a Pre-Condition For Regression and Anger --Lesson 37

HUNGER
When a person has gone too long without food—there’s that word again, “Too”, the brain loses oxygen and blood flow. That, in turn, leads to a lack of self-soothing chemicals like serotonin, neo-epinephrine and oxytocin. Extreme hunger makes us lose our patience, poise and practicality. Hunger takes us back to infancy as quickly as anything can. Once a person’s blood sugar is significantly altered we yell at spouses when supper is not served on time much like we did in the crib when nourishment was slow in coming. Adults who are very hungry watch the second hand on their watches to see if the waitress indeed comes to our table in “a minute” after seating us. We may swear at the wait staff as if they were slaves instead of servers.

Question: Have you ever been so hungry that minutes seem to drag and feel like hours and then your "temper" was very short?

In Lesson 38 we will explore another Pre-condition for regression, anger and rage--STRESS

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Exhaustion as a Pre-Condition for Regression and Anger: Lesson 36

PRE-CONDITIONS FOR REGRESSION
There are five physical, psychological and emotional states that if avoided will minimize the number of times and tendencies to regress, get small, or lose it. I often point out that these states are not only common but really a part of almost everyone’s personal and professional life. Many work places like Google spend time and energy reducing these preconditions and that is part of the reason they receive over four thousand applications per day.
1. EXHAUSTION
Mental or physical exhaustion greatly increases one’s time in the past. Extreme tiredness can make a grown man or woman yearn for their care-free college days or a perpetual extended beach vacation. Exhaustion can take us out of the pre-frontal, rational neo-cortex. It can send us to pre-verbal state of the reptilian brain and either curl up and take a long, winter’s nap.

Exhaustion makes us more susceptible to verbal, emotional or physical abuse from bosses, parents, our children or people in authority. It makes our skin paper thin and we tend to lose our ability to say things like, “No”, “No more”, “Enough”, or “Stop.”

When we’re tired we can’t think about the big picture. We exchange things that are good for us for short term, temporary fixes. We tend to settle for much less than we want or deserve in personal or professional situations and even relationships. We have a “short fuse”; we’re grouchy, irritable, impatient and impractical. We say and do things we may regret for years to come. We rage at the too slow lady in front of us at the store checkout line and swear at the DMV.

Question: Does exhaustion ever make you yearn for the comfort of a blanky and a bottle?

In Lesson 37 we will look at how being excessively hungry can trigger a regressive outburst of anger or rage.


For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Why Certain "Looks" or "Sounds" Can Trigger Regression and Rage--Lesson 33

CERTAIN LOOKS
Everyone has seen the “look of love”, but looks can exude less than happy vibes. The way someone looks at you can trigger a regression. The amygdala remembers only rough, raw details to keep us safe. A woman who looks at a man can be misinterpreted and misconstrued and illicit the phrase, “Why are you looking at me like that?” She might respond, “Like what?” And if he were not regressed he might say, “Like the look the father gave me when he wanted to punish me, or “A football coach in Jr. High”, or “my mother.” This part of the brain doesn’t remember the details as to whether the perceived threat, real or imagined, came from a man or woman.

CERTAIN SOUNDS
Randy almost disappears into thin air every time he hears a fire truck’s siren. “I can’t help it. That sound scares me to death. When I was seven our house burned to the ground and we barely got out alive. Now no matter where I am, if I hear the siren I go right back to that moment even though the fire was over fifty years ago.”
One afternoon in a couples session with Julie and Rachel, they shared with each other things that made each angry and frustrated. Suddenly Julie said to Rachel, “Why are taking that tone of voice with me?” Ultimately, we discovered it was a similar tone her ex-husband would take many times during their marriage.

Question: Have you ever been triggered just by the way someone was looking at you?

In Lesson 34 We will explore "Body Language" and how it communicates volumes.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

"Too Little" Can Be A Regressor That Leads To Rage: Lesson 32

The other very popular regression producer is “too little.” Again the phrase “too little, too late” comes to mind. All the things that regress people when they are given in excess can just easily regress others if they aren’t given enough of it. The lack or small amount of anything like food, touch or attention propels them into that small, little feeling.

Too little tenderness, sex, rest, solitude, or companionship can transfer a person right back to their past. Our bodies, minds, and psyche need order and balance to function properly. This deprivation keeps you regressed until you balance things out.

Think back to the children’s story of The Three Bears and Goldie Locks. This is a remedial way of teaching about regression and how children and grownups must find out what is “Just Right” for them. The job that is too big can repel us out of the present. A job that does not stimulate us is too little. A visit with one’s parents that is too long leaves us wanting a blanky and a bottle. Visits that are too infrequent and too short leave us longing and lying down in a short bed of regression.

Question: If you get "too little" of what can make you feel small or little?

In Lesson 33 we will explore some non-verbal triggers.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Other Potential Regressors that Can Lead To Rage--Lesson 31

TOO MUCH

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Too much of a good thing.” For many “too much” is one of the triggers of emotional regression. Too much of nearly anything is fertile ground for the seeds of regression to burst into full bloom. For example: too much alcohol, drugs or chemicals turn full grown adults into raging, fighting teenagers or children who take their toys and go home.

Too much money can make one regress. Before you balk at that statement, think of the history and statistics of lottery winners. Fifty percent of those winners are in worse financial shape two years after winning than they were prior to holding the magic numbers. But even if you aren’t cursed with the problem of excess money, you have probably experienced too much talking or stimulation or food. When you get out of balance and overindulge in anything, you will pay the price—regression.

Too much criticism, blaming, preaching or teaching can turn an adult into a raging tantrum-throwing child. You have people at work or home that will feel overwhelmed, resentful and enraged when you give them too much attention or information.

Question: Can you identify what is "too much" of something that triggers an outburst of anger or rage?


In Lesson 32 we will examine "Too Little" and how it can trigger regression.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Present Person People Erasing with Regression--Lesson 29

"You’re just like my first husband or “You are all alike,” “All women lie,” “All men cheat,” “You’re just like the other therapist.” These phrases suggest present person people erasing; meaning that they replace the human being in front of them with someone from their past and then they rage.

When someone’s past is triggered they tend to vent with the one who triggered the emotional memory. Or they tend to go to the least objectionable person possible.

When Jackie’s husband left her she said, “The first thing I did was call my mother, that’s how regressed I was. My mother didn’t finish calling him names before saying, ‘I told you when I met Jimmy that he wasn’t any good for you and that you could have done much better. Maybe you’ll listen to your mother next time.’ I felt about two years old. When she got through berating my husband, who by the way came back and we eventually worked everything out, I was looking for a womb to crawl into and more enraged with her than when I was with him.”

Question:When was the last time you got triggered and regressed and raged?

In Lesson 30 you will be given an exercise to see what things trigger you the most.


For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Emotional Regression: A "Present People Eraser"--Lesson 28

Another powerful way to think about emotional regression is that it is a present person people eraser. When Adrian and his wife Sandra argue, “She throws things; her purse, pillows, nothing hard and she doesn’t throw them at me, but it’s like I see my father who did throw things at me when he was mad. He hurt me several times. I got a black eye once. I turn this five feet two inch, ninety pound wife who wouldn’t hurt a fly into a six foot, two hundred pound dad from forty some years ago,” he said during a session about his fears of anger and rage. Adrian’s regression caused Sandra to disappear, and his father to come back out of the past.

Question: Have you ever made someone disappear during extreme anger or rage or have you ever said to someone, "You don't see me or "I'm not your mother or father or ex?

In Lesson 29 I will provide further examples of how we transform a present person into a past person.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

More Information on Emotional Regression--Lesson 25

Another and more recognizable way to think about regression is when a full grown adult feels small or little. This happens when men and women feel like they’ve lost their age and maturity and feel six inches tall instead of six feet, or feel like a four year old instead of a forty year old.

Recently on the New York Times best-seller is a wonderful, heart-felt memoir, Chosen by a Horse, by Susan Richards. She writes about having to put down her beloved equine companion that she’d rescued from an abusive owner eighteen years before. When it came time to do this heart-breaking task Richards most assuredly felt deep anger and sadness and wrote, “I wish some grown-up could have come in and made the decision for me.” At the time of this task, she was sixty-five years old going on twelve or less. She felt small and anything but a powerful, competent adult.

Question: Have you ever felt small or little in stressful or scary situations or with certain people--bosses, parents, authority figures?


In Lesson 26 we will explore regression as the main cause for sometimes "Losing It" with our children, friends, parents, etc.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Listening to Our Bodies For Cues We Are Regressing--Lesson 24

These sensations below can be physical signs of regression. Sometimes these physical cues are just anxiety but when they are extreme they signal a return to our past history. They are saying we are feeling less and less like an adult and more and more like a scared adolescent or child.

Cold Hands and Feet
Perspiring Excessively
Lump In Your Throat
Heart Beating Wildly
Knot In Stomach
Excessive Dry Mouth
Tight Chest
Have Trouble Breathing
Excessive Drowsiness
Clinched Jaw
Hands Shaking
Face and Neck Flushed
Dry Mouth

Question: Which in the above list is your personal signal that you may be regressing and getting excessively angry or engaging in soft rage?


In Lesson 25 I will go into further explanations and examples of this thing called "regression" it will change your life for the better.



For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

More about Regression and Soft Rage--Lesson 23

The best example of emotional regression is when many people go home for the holidays. Approaching our parents’ driveways we’re still feeling like adults. Once we cross the front door threshold, mom and dad start talking or interacting with us like they did thirty years before. Before you know it, we’re talking to them and sometimes even saying word for word what we said when we were twelve or thirteen.

Sharon says every time she goes home for a visit it isn’t long before the regressive behavior begins. Her mother, who is in her mid-seventies, starts commenting about her clothes or hair. Sharon says, “My mom gives me a warm hug then steps back and gently brushes my hair back and says the same thing, ‘Honey, why don’t you get your hair out of your face. You have such a pretty face. People want to see your beautiful face.’ I want to ignore here but instead I say, ‘Mom, it’s my hair and my face and I’ll wear it anyway I want to.’ I’m forty-four years old for God’s sake. When does it stop?”

Question: Where or when do you or someone you know go from feeling like a mature adult to feeling like a kid again?


In Lesson 24 I will present possible body cues that let us know we are regressing.


For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

The Best Kept Secret in Psychology + Anger--Lesson 22

Emotional regression is one of the best kept secrets in modern psychology. There is virtually nothing that is written on the subject or certainly very little that explains it and relates it to everyday life, especially as it impacts anger and rage. There are many ways to define emotional regression and we are very familiar with the following ones because either you’ve employed them recently or someone has said them to you:

“I wish you’d grow up.”
“You’re acting like a big baby."

Perhaps less common—but still a good way to define regression—is an unconscious return to our past history. When we regress we are hurled into our past faster than lightening.

Question: Have you ever found yourself feeling "little" or "small" when your boss calls you into his/her office or when you go home for the holidays?

In Lesson 23 you will discover more information about this well-guarded secret--Emotional Regression.


For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.