Story Time Part 3 A Sign of Regression and Rage--Lesson 43

Cheri is a stay at home mother. Twice divorced she has trouble trusting her current husband. Her first husband died in a car crash and her second one cheated on her with another woman. While she has worked on her anger and grief, she doesn’t quite trust that Thomas, who she says is fine man, will not eventually leave her.
Thomas had to go to Chicago on a business trip. He told her he would be in his hotel no later than 10 and would call her no later than 10:30. Cheri waited by the phone like a teenager waiting for her first crush to call. Ten thirty came—no call, ten thirty-five—still no call. Cheri has had a good deal of therapy so she didn’t regress until 10:40.

“I wanted to know where he was. I bounced between anger, rage, and fear like a tennis ball. I started thinking something bad had happened to him; perhaps a car accident or the plane went down. I couldn’t stop the terrible pictures that flashed through my mind as I waited for him to call. I saw him lying helpless or maybe dead in some ditch somewhere or in an emergency room. I was panicking. Then all of a sudden I pictured him with his secretary who went with him to that meeting and I thought that son-of-a-*&%# better be dead in a ditch because if I catch him with his secretary, I am going to kill him!” she was crying and laughing at the same time as she told me this story.

Question: Do remember the last big, dramatic story you made up about a person or a situation and released a little or lot of anger and rage only to find out you weren't even close?

In Lesson 44 we will look at "Child Time" as a sign of regression and rage.
For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.

Signs of Regression, Anger & Rage--Lesson 41

Remember different things regress people differently but there are a few almost universal signs and signals that we are heading into our past histories. These signals are for both the one triggering the regression and the one who is feeling regressed.

STORY TIME
Here’s an example: James is a boss, who is experiencing his own regression. His company is in the red, business is off by 40%. On Friday afternoon, he says to his employee, Alex, “I want to see you in my office first thing Monday morning.” What does Alex do? If statements like James' triggers an emotional memory like the one Alex has of his mother saying something like, “Wait until your father gets home”, or “The principal is out today but he will deal with you Wednesday,” Alex will begin Story Time.

All weekend long he will make up stories about what his boss wants to talk about. Perhaps it was the fax paper he took home? No, wait. It was the personal charges made on the corporate card, or maybe worse—termination. With each worst case story, Alex gets angrier and angrier and then finally settles into rage. No one in the history of employment has ever made up the story, “Hey, I bet he wants to talk about that raise I so readily deserve.” When Alex exhausts all possible stories and gets to James' office he is exhausted and feeling about five inches tall.

Question: What story or stories do you tell yourself when your spouse doesn't call like they said they would or your children stay out later than they are allowed?

In Tomorrow's Lesson 42 we will continue with part II of Story Time and Regression and Rage.

For more information go to johnleebooks.com and read The Anger Solution: The Proven Method for Attaining Calm and Developing Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships, Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately, The Missing Peace--all available on Amazon.com.